All right. Fine!
Is she OK? Where is she going?
She's fine. She gets stressed. I have her looping around the block.
Too late for a mass evacuation, the situation is dangerous and potentially catastrophic.
But all the citizens of New York can do is sit, wait and pray for a miracle.
We're now getting a live picture of the missile as it approaches the city.
It appears certain that... Wait, what is that?
It is G-Girl!
- She is approaching the errant missile. - (man) Love that girl!
My God!
She just kicked it.
She just deflected the missile away from the city.
We're safe! We are safe!
(crowd cheers)
(crowd chants) G-Girl! G-Girl! G-Girl!
You know, Matt, there are some things I don't need infravision to see through.
Sorry, what are you talking about?
You and that slut from your office - Hannah.
She is not a slut. That is a terrible thing to say, Jenny.
- You want to screw her, don't you? - No. No, I do not.
I don't believe you.
Can I say something?
Her boyfriend's a male model, OK? A model.
I don't think she'd be very interested in a guy like me.
I see your point.
So you want to screw her, you just can't, because she's got a boyfriend.
No, I'm just saying that we're friends who work together. We're work friends.
Don't lie to me!
- What the hell did you do that for? - I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'll pay for that, I swear.
OK, don't... d-don't do that.
Don't cry, OK? It'll be OK.
I know I get a little crazy sometimes.
It's just...
I love you so much. OK... OK...
- Hey. - Hey. How's it going?
Oh, sorry.
Look at her. She's like a cheerleader from Spank Me University.
Dude, what's wrong? You look like shit.
Let's go with the lighter weight today, shall we?
I'm actually thinking that my first impression of Jenny was accurate.
- Oh, no. - Yeah, complete emotional basket case.
- Needy, jealous... - Mm-hm. Jealous.
...control... - Controlling. A trifecta. Perfect.
The truth is, I don't even love her.
I'm in love with somebody else.
You're in love with somebody else? Who?
Is it me? Oh, my God, it's me, isn't it?
I feel the same way. I totally...
That's not a good sign, is it?
- Who are you talking about? - I don't wanna say. Not until I've told her.
But, I mean, first I have to break it off with Jenny.
- God knows how I'm gonna do that. - OK, come with me. Listen.
There are only two ways to successfully break it off with a woman.
You can either be ajerk or a weenie.
Now, the jerk route is simple. You're like, "Hey, babe, listen up. I'm dumping your ass."
Just like that. It's quick, it's easy, it's painless.
- I don't think you have the balls for it. - Well, what's the weenie route?
OK, good. Weenie route. Let's go with that.
Sit real close, keep it romantic, OK?
Keep a kind of a sparkle in the eye, take her hand. Give me your hand.
You say, "Sweetheart,
I think we need to take a little time off from the relationship to re-evaluate things."
Don't return any of her calls for a year and a half.
Pretty soon she'll give up and you'll be in the clear.
I can't believe I actually listen to you.
Another thing. Make sure you do it after you've had sex with her.
It's really difficult the other way around.
I was thinking, maybe we should take a little time to... (clears throat)
Re-examine where this is going.
My God.
Are you breaking up with me?
No. No. Not at all.
I mean, I just... I think it would be wise to try and evaluate where we stand,
just to make sure we're on the same page.
So you're not saying that we should start seeing other people or anything?
No. No.
- No, I'm not saying that. - (relieved sigh)
OK, good. You scared me there for a second.
Although seeing other people might eventually be a part of the evaluation process.
Oh, my God.
You are breaking up with me.
- Jenny, it's not you, OK? - Shut up!
I know exactly what it is. It's that slut from your office, Hannah.
- You're sleeping with her. - I am not sleep...
- But you want to! - Jenny, now, hold on a second, OK?
You're such a liar!
Look, I am not a liar, all right? You wanna know the truth? It's not Hannah, OK? It's you.
You're needy, jealous, manipulative. I can't take it any more.
- It's crazy. - Don't call me crazy!
See? That's the kind of thing I'm talking about. I can't handle that on a daily basis.
Well, handle this.
What are you doing?!
You are so gonna regret this.
Oh, man.
- Wednesday? Thursday? - No. No.
Friday? Saturday? Sunday? Brunch? In the day?
Don't speak to me.
Oh, well. Look at it this way. The hard part is over. I don't know. She said I'd regret it.
Don't worry about that. They always say that.
Yeah?
I guess you're right.
You know, there's something that I've been dying to tell you ever since I found it out.
- Found out what? - I just need you to promise me...
- I promise. - Hold on, let me finish, this is serious.
- I need you to promise me that you're not... - I promise. I won't tell anybody. Tell me.
You know Jenny?
Yeah.
She's G-Girl.
Bullshit.
Apparently, this old dog still has a few tricks left.
Oh, my God, you have been doing G-Girl! - I know! It's unbelievable. Me. - Incredible. - I can't believe it. - Knuckles.
Imagine the heat I'll have with the women when they find out.
Wait. Whoa. Isn't she gonna mind you revealing her secret identity?
I warned you, Matt Saunders!
No!
(# "She Hates Me" by Puddle of Mudd)
# She hates me
# Trust, she f***ing hates me
# La la la la
# She hates me
# Trust, she f***ing hates me
Watch it, dumb-ass!
- What's wrong? - Nothing.
What could be wrong? Everything's great. Never better. Tell me.
OK. I, uh... I broke up with Jenny.
You were right. I mean, she is totally deranged, off-her-rocker crazy.
I should have listened to you from the beginning.
Why don't you lay off the crazy women for a while, huh?
Come here. I'm sorry.
Hey, Hannah.
There's been something that I've been meaning to tell you for a long time.
Yes?
It's about you and...
- Sorry. Are you OK? - Out. Now.
I'm going through a weird phase.
- I saw that! - What? No, it was nothing, Carla.
Nothing? You knocked her down! You hit her!
- Was there groping? Did he grope you? - No, it was an accident.
An accident? OK, like a fender-bender?
Here, we need to talk. Come here.
Listen, my friend. You are headed for some serious trouble.
- Don't make excuses. That's the first mistake. - OK.
You have got to get your mind out of the gutter long enough to nail this presentation.
- I hear you, homegirl. I got it. - What? What did you just call me?!
What? I don't know.
If the company doesn't get this project, we're going to take a major hit.
You really have a problem. Call my therapist.
OK, I'll call him... her.
- Matt. - What?
- Phone call. - Oh, man.
That boy has a major case of the hornies.
Yeah?
There's the young kid that zooms around in here. Did he do something?
- It's just up here. - Looks like they broke in, fried the camera
and then blew a huge hole through the wall.
- I've never seen nothing like it. - Don't make no sense.
We got a lot of nice cars - his is the only one they took.
Bitch.
Somebody went to a lot of trouble. You know who could have done this?
No. No, I don't.
- Somebody with a grudge against you? - Grudge? Against me?
No. No, I don't. I'm sorry.
- We'll let you know if it turns up. - OK.
- Let's get to the paperwork. - I wouldn't hold my breath on that, sir.
Gentlemen... (speaks Chinese)
If you look closely, our model here...
What the hell...?
Oh, that's just great.
Oh, shit! I just got that fixed.
Sorry, just came to use your telescope. Nice and dark, isn't it?
Wait a second. Is this all because of you?
Yep, that'd be me. Ah, yes.
There we go.
Come and have a look-see. I don't see any...
- That's real mature. - Save you a fortune in parking.
Why are you doing this to me? I mean, you're supposed to be the good guy.
I am the good guy. You are the bad guy.
It's been a pleasure seeing you, but I got a big day at the office tomorrow.
I've got an important presentation to make, so I need to get some sleep.
I'm gonna have to say good night. You might be the hottest girl I've ever gone out with,
but you wanna know something? You're the craziest, hands down!
- Really? - Aargh!
Dick?! (speak Chinese)
Will we begin soon?
I'm so sorry you've been kept waiting. I apologise. It's very rude.
Just a few more minutes, please.
- Hi. Excuse me, hi. - Glad you could join us.
Can you tell me why you're wearing a hat?
- No. - Why am I not surprised?
- Hi. How are you? - We can finally begin.
- Gentlemen, I give you Matt Saunders. - You OK?
I'm fine. I'm fine.
OK, gentlemen...
(speaks Chinese)
OK. Our design integrates classic architectural ideas
from the history of Chinese culture
and transforms them into a contemporary 21st century aesthetic.
But you can see clearly that functionality has not been sac...
(swoosh)
Sac...
(clears throat) Sacrificed, as you can see here by the multiple entrances to the central
multipurpose courtyard area.
Exactly. Exactly. Right.
And with a total capacity for...
You are one sick bastard!
Oh, man. I am so, so sorry.
- Thanks. - (sniggers)
- You gotta laugh to keep from crying, right? - Vaughn, shh!
Sorry.
Man, no woman's ever done that to me, and I actually am a dick.
OK, all done. I am so sorry that you got fired.
What happened in there? Why did you...
It's hard to explain. Let's just say it's a good time for me to leave.
- Where are you going? - Don't know. Don't care.
Look, if there's something wrong, I'd like to help.
Look, Hannah. Please just stay as far away from me as possible, OK?
If something were to happen to you because of me,
I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
(knock at door)
Oh, damn!
(pained gasps)
May we come in?
Nice place.
You broke her heart, didn't you?
What do you need? Why are you here? I'm in the middle of a project.
The same as you - to get her out of my life for good.
I want you to help me neutralise her.
Hey, whatever she's done to me, I'm not gonna help you kill her.
I didn't say "kill", I said "neutralise".
It's a neutral word. "Kill" is "kill". This is Switzerland.
I have developed the means of permanently stripping her of her powers.
No powers?
So she'd just be another average, everyday, run-of-the-mill, crazy ex-girlfriend?
Yeah. That's gotta be better.
- So what would you want me to do? - Draw her out into the open.
Help me get her when her guard is down, when she's vulnerable.
Look, I don't mean to offend you, but you have a reputation for doing things
that most people would consider to be...
No-nos?
Yes.
Yeah. Nothing to worry about. I'm retiring. - From supervillainy? - Yeah. That's good. Look, if you're going to retire, why notjust forget about her?
That's what I'm gonna do. I'm leaving town.
Because that woman, she just won't leave me alone. She's obsessed with me.
She has harassed me at every turn and she never, ever stops.
So when you finally realise that she is not the woman who is ever going to forget about you,
- then you give me a call. - OK.
All right?
Or you can email me at "professorbedlam. Com".
It's all one word.
I think I'll just, uh... give running away a try.
(phone rings)
(answer phone) It's Matt. Please leave a message.
Matt, it's Hannah. Are you there? Please pick up.
I... I need your help. Something really bad's happened.
- Oh, God, I guess you're not there. Bye. - Hannah!
# You can't stop this feeling
# You can't run away
# Baby, I'm what's on your mind
# You can't stop this feeling
# There's no escape
# No sleep tonight
# You won't get no sleep tonight
- (knock at door) - Who is it?
It's me, Matt. Open up.
Hannah. Are you OK? What did she do to you? Is she here?
- Is who here? - G-Girl!
G-Girl? Like the superhero?
Yeah, G-Girl the super...
Why did you call me?
- Steve was cheating on me. - Oh, thank God.
What?
Thank God that you found out sooner rather than later.
I am sorry.
Yeah, I caught him in bed with another woman.
Actually, two other women.
Maybe three. I don't know - I didn't really get a good look.
- Three? - Yeah.
Wow.
Steve was so good-looking and he loved jazz and rock-climbing.
He took me to nice places and gave me multiple...
I don't really need to hear that.
The thing is, I never really had any fun with him.
Not like I have with you.
You've been a really good friend to me, Saunders.
Hannah, the thing is,
I don't wanna be just a friend any more.
- You don't? - No. Look...
Hannah, my life has been really crazy lately.
But it has made me realise what's most important to me.
Seeing you at work every day, that was always the thing I looked forward to the most.
You're the smartest, most beautiful girl that I've ever met.
And I'm completely and totally in love with you.
Oh.
(Matt) Oh, that was great. Didn't hurt at all.
I probably shouldn't tell you this, but this might be the best moment of my life.
That's not fair. I was gonna say that.
Oh.
(Jenny) Hey! Sweetie!
Matt?
I hate you, Matt Saunders!
Get down!
(brakes screech, loud smash)
(screaming)
Why did G-Girl throw a shark at us?
I can't tell you.
And she was so pissed off. Have you done something?
- Are you in trouble? - No. Well, yeah.
And as long as I'm here, so are you.
You gotta get outside the city. Go someplace and hide.
San Diego. Tahiti. Utah.
No, not Utah, Utah sucks. Anywhere else.
But you gotta go someplace, lay low for a while.
- I don't understand. - Look.
If I ever see you again, this will all be over, OK?
If?
Matt, wait.
- Oh, it's you. - Come in. Wait here.
- Right here? Where? - What? Right here.
- OK. - Over there.
Wow.
Look, I'm here cos I need your help, OK? I just need to know how we're gonna stop her.
I have spent the past ten years trying to analyse the source of G-Girl's power.
It is a unique type of radiation that permeates every cell of her body. Yeah, I know about the meteor in high school. She told me. I know. - She told you that? - Yeah.
Did she talk about me?
I mean, she said you guys were friends, you had a falling out.
Bullshit! That meteorite changed everything between us.
But now, I've got something that will totally level the playing field.
That?
The rock?
No, the ham. Yes, the rock.
A special rock. It was a rock that gave off the radiation.
I now have a rock that will absorb the radiation.
So if you got Jenny close enough to this thing...
It'll draw the radiation from her body, sucking it out of her like a sponge.
Draining her of her powers permanently.
OK, so what do you need me for? Why can't you just get her close to it?
With that superhearing of hers?
No, I need someone who can lure her to it.
Someone who she has no cause to fear.
A weak and powerless simpleton.
An idiot.
(Jenny) No, all of these invoices were returned. None of them have been paid.
Call back.
And these two are supposed to be...
Hi.
What's this?
It's just a little something I thought I'd bring by...
- Flowers? - Yeah.
You think flowers are going to make me forgive you?
No. No, I do not think that. I don't think that at all.
Then what the hell are you doing here?
OK, look. To be honest, I realise that I've made the biggest mistake of my life.
I'm desperately in love with you and I'd do anything for us to be together again.
I would.
Oh, God.
They're beautiful.
- I'm sorry. - It's OK.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
What do you think about today after work you come by my place around seven
- and I'll make us a nice dinner? - Seven? I'd love to.
Matt?
- Oh, my God! - Hey, Jenny.
Matt, it's beautiful.
Oh, what is that? Is that for me?
It is. It's a little something I got you cos...
I wanna apologise for the terrible way that I've treated you.
- Itjust wasn't right. - You're so sweet. You didn't have to.
- It's true, I'm sorry. - What is it?
No peeking, OK? I want it to be a surprise. Let's have a toast.
(Jenny) You are amazing.
(Matt) To second chances.
(Jenny) To second chances.
The man's not bad. He might have a future in our business.
You know, deep down,
I had a feeling that you'd realise your mistake and come back to me.
You are wise.
- Do you wanna know a secret? - Sure.
That's why I didn't kill you.
(forced laugh)
Matt?
You are the sweetest guy I've ever met.
- Oh, no, no, I'm not. - Yes, yes, you are.
You're sweet.
Yummy.
Matt?!
What are you doing here?
Me?! What are you doing here?
You said your life was in danger. And what's she doing here?
- Who's that? Do we know her? - I don't know her.
I don't know her.
You know how you tried to steal my boyfriend by being such a big, fat whore?
- It didn't work. - Jenny, stop. Let me handle this.
- Are you back with her? - No.
- What? - Yeah.
Look, it's very complicated, OK?
How could you do this? You told me you loved me.
Hannah, please, just do me a favour, OK? Just leave.
I mean, just try to have a little self-respect. You're starting to look pathetic.
Matt! You are not... Oh, my God. There you are. Thank God. I've been calling you all day.
Playoff tickets. Amazing seats. You and me.
- Not now. - Tonight. Third base line. Yahoo! - Now is a terrible time, OK? - Hey, what's in the box? - Stay away from that box. - You know, Hannah,
why don't you just run along before I have to kick your ass back to Munchkin Land?
- Stay away from it. - It looks big, it might be a nice present.
- Are you threatening me? - Push me one more time and you'll find out.
Oh, yeah? What are you going to do? Squash me with your gigantic feet?
- That's it! - Don't touch me!
Just do me a favour and leave and take Hannah with you...
- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God! You're G-Girl.
You have been doing G-Girl?
- Vaughn, open the box! - Go! Go! Go! Watch the van!
Open the damn box!
Aargh!
- It's not much of a present. - Agh!
I'm sorry.
You bastard!
Matt, that's a weird rock.
Ah.
A happy ending for everybody. Well done, Mr Saunders.
You did this? You helped him?
I'm really sorry. You did throw a shark at me, you know.
Besides, Bedlam's gonna retire. It'll be OK.
You idiot!
Looks like you're done, honey.
You always thought you were so much better than me.
Now it's my turn.
Now I'll be the one with the powers.
You'll be just plain old Jenny Johnson.
We're having a moment here.
- Not so tough now, huh?! - Hannah, don't let her touch the rock!
Hannah!
Oh, no! Hannah!
I can't even see her. We gotta get down there.
Oh, man!
I think she's dead, Matt.
- I'm sorry. Let her go. - We gotta dig her out!
- We gotta start the grieving process. - Are you crazy?
- Come here. Give me a hug, bear cub. - You!
I thought you were just ajerk!
Now I find out you're really stupid.
Teaming up with Barry?!
You broke my heart and now I'm gonna break your everything.
Hey!
Let go of my boyfriend, you crazy bitch!
Bring it!
Oh, man!
Yes, girl fight!
Stupid!
Matt!
No!
Hannah!
Hannah, are you OK?
Oh, no!
You rat!
Oh, Matt. Matt, Matt, are you OK?
Uh-oh.
Wow!
Hannah, stop. Come on, stop.
- Are you OK? - I'm fine.
I'm fine too. I thought I twinged my knee, but I'm all right.
Come on. Forget about them. Let's go.
Come on.
They're gonna kill each other. This way.
- Hey, it's you. - Are you with them?
As a matter of fact, I am.
They went down there.
Stop!
Look at yourself. You're terrifying these people.
Jenny... Jenny, this has gotta stop right now, OK?
Please.
Just give me that, OK?
There you go. Just give it to me.
Wow. That was a lot heavier than I thought.
Hi.
Look, God knows I don't want you mad at me, OK?
And I'm sorry if I ever hurt you.
And yeah, I know what we had was something special.
And at times it was great.
But it wasn't love, all right? And deep down, you know that. You're a great girl. And you deserve to be with the perfect guy. - You do. - I do.
And I know who the perfect guy for you is. And he's here, right here, right now.
Professor.
- What? - Barry?
- Go on, Professor, tell her. - Tell her what?
She's my mortal enemy? I want nothing but her destruction?
- Come on, Barry, please. - Please stop calling me Barry.
It's true. This guy, he's got a shrine to you in his house.
There are pictures of you all over the walls, just of you.
This guy, he is hooked on you. He really is.
Is that true?
Come on. You gotta open your heart to her. It's now or never.
It may be a little true. OK, OK, that's a good start. Come on, Barry. Barry, come on. All right, all right!
It's completely true.
I love you.
I've always loved you.
But if you love me so much, then how come you're always trying to hurt me?
Because you hurt me. Because you broke my heart into a billion pieces.
You ignored me.
You left me behind.
So I thought if I had the powers, you may learn to love me
the way I have always loved you.
Are you sure?
Do you really love me?
Oh, yeah.
It's over. Can you believe it? I'm free. You were great.
I can't believe that fight.
I still think she'd kick my butt, but I got a few good punches in.
You saved my ass in there. You were wonderful.
And I'm really sorry I didn't explain things to you sooner,
- but I was just trying to protect you. - I totally understand.
Good.
- Oh, my God, my hair. - Oh, it doesn't look that bad. You can fix it.
Here, try this on.
Thanks.
See? Adorable.
- Yes, you are. - No, not me.
- Come here. - Agh!
- Tight. - Oh, I'm so sorry.
- It's OK. - I'm still getting used to all of this.
You and me both. And you know, we're going to have to talk about the relationship too.
- Talk? You mean... - Your powers. Just cos you have 'em doesn't mean you have to use 'em, you know what I mean? You're a little scared of me.
What? Scared? No, come on, I'm not scared at all.
Come here.
Are you ready?
Yeah! I am. I'm ready.
OK. Here we go.
OK, all right, I got it.
- Hold on, I think I tweaked something. - Oh, you poor baby.
What the hell were you doing?!
Sorry. Sorry.
Oh.
I brought it down for you. Peace offering.
You've done so much for us. We couldn't be happier.
- How...? How...? - Asteroids.
Most of that will just buff right out.
- I'll fix that. - I could trick it out for you.
Rocket launchers, laser cannons, voice-activated battle armour.
- (police radio) - Do you hear something?
- No. - There's a 747 in trouble.
It's a 727. Time to go to work.
You need a hand?
- A hand? - Yeah, any help?
I never had any help.
- Could be some heavy lifting. - Yeah?
- OK. - Yeah? Really?
- Yes. - Yes! All right! Whoo!
OK, ready. Whoo! Here I go.
Yeah!
- Love you, honey! - We'll be waiting!
What are we gonna do with this stuff? Wanna get a beer?
- Sure. - Let's do it.
# And the earth will be our home
# And the sky our starry dome
# And the only superpower here that makes us strong, that kills the fear
# The only superpower here is love
# Baby
# Rescue me
# From my dreams
# And from my secret identity
# Just wake me
# From my sleep
# Would you, please
# Just fall out of the sky and rescue me?
# All I want is to be with you Why is that impossible?
# I only see you disappear
# I know you've got a lot to do The whole wide world just waits for you
# And baby, I'll be waiting too
# He was born to love her, yeah
# Baby
# Rescue me
# Would you, please
# Just fall out of the sky and rescue me?
My God! You really do have superpowers.
Yeah. Well, it helps when you haven't used them
in two years, three months, one week and four days.
OK, now. I got one more in me. Here we go.
# Everyday people like you and me
# Just want to live naturally # Time taught you and you told me
# Nothing gonna get us down, can't you see?
# I said if it don't matter to you, it don't matter to me
# No, no, no, no
# If it don't matter to you, it don't matter to me
# People all around making sounds and all kinds of noise
# If I could only get there, then I could enjoy
# Who they trying to be, who they trying to fool?
# Let's change the mood right now
# Turn down the lights, it's time to cool it down
# If it don't matter to you, it don't matter to me
# Yesterday and what we could be, it don't matter
# Getting more of what we don't need, it don't matter
# Everything, unless I'm with you, it doesn't matter to me, no
# Bring it on down, bring it on down to me
(# "One & Only" by Teitur)
# So you wanna be my friend, so you wanna be my lover
# With you I do confess I can't be one without the other
# That was hard for me to say I hope I said it right
# Which ever, come what may, you see I need to know tonight
# Do you want to be my one and only love?
(# "Everything's Right" by Matt Wertz)
# Windows down, the night blows in
# Tap the beat on the wheel as the tyres spin
# Until we're there crank the radio
# We'll join in with the songs we know
# Hey, everything's right, said everything's right tonight
Visiontext Subtitles: Simon Campbell
ENGLISH SDH